Axioma

Imposter syndrome. Imposter phenomenon. Imposter experience. It is not a disease or an abnormality. It is universal.

In working on a lengthy proof for math class and becoming frustrated, I tried to remind myself of the point of such tediousness. In an attempt to avoid actually doing any homework, I perused the Euclidean excerpt of my textbook out of pure procrastination. The writers spoke on how every statement must be proven with evidence for it to be true. Yet, I realized a caveat in that conjecture. To prove statements in math, you must use theorems or, better yet, axioms. An axiom is a statement that is accepted as true and does not have to be proven, derived from the Greek word ‘Axioma’ meaning “true without needing a proof.”

In order to feel worthy, I find myself (and I’m sure most of you also find yourselves) attempting to prove myself to others. Treating myself as a mathematical proof, I outline steps in order to gather evidence that I am adequate, and sometimes, it seems like no amount of evidence is ever enough.

This reminds me of the arrival fallacy, the illusion that when we accomplish a certain goal, we’ll experience everlasting and unconditional happiness. This is proven false time and time again, as, naturally, when we do accomplish something in life, the happiness is fleeting, and we immediately look toward some other goal to chase. Although ambition, aspiration, and purpose are part of human nature, and goals are extremely important, happiness is not a function of the goals we achieve. People wrongly believe that suffering makes them worthy, that to experience wonderful things in life we must “earn” them for them to be truly ours. This is precisely how we thwart happiness. Brianna Wiest puts this pretty well when she reminds us of “The fact that you do not need to be exceptionally beautiful or talented or successful to experience the things that make life profound: love, knowledge, connection, community, and so on.”

Throughout all of my experiences, I have come to realize that, regardless of the outcome, I still, unequivocally, have inherent worth that does not need to be reestablished for the mere approval of others. More importantly, happiness is a choice that I am always deserving of choosing—I do not have to consciously create a circumstance in which I am allowed to feel that way. Further, I remind myself of the axiom of equality, which states that a number is always equal to itself. No matter my triumphs or failures, goals achieved or not achieved, x is always equal to x, and I am always going to be me. You are always going to be you.

Happy Thanksgiving, I am grateful for you all,

El.