Combating Bad Habits Part One - Comparing Yourself to Others

This is a topic that is close to my heart because it is something that I have suffered with most frequently, and although have mended partially I will probably never completely cease to experience the repercussions. Growing up as a girl, we are constantly reminded not to compare ourselves to women in magazines, that social media is fake and photoshop is deceiving. Celebrities have plastic surgery and models are highly edited. And while a lot of this is true, and it is helpful to be aware of the misleading society around us, these monotonous lessons never deemed themselves of any particular assistance to me. This was because, while comparing ourselves to famous people might be very common and deteriorating, I was wrapped up in something very different - I was comparing myself to the people around me. I was constantly dissecting the things that made me different from the very real people in my life. Whether it was friends, family, or random acquaintances, I had an overwhelming habit, even if it was subconscious, of constantly comparing myself to them. It is hard to find an easy solution to prevent yourself from doing this because you can not simply resort to the idea that they are fake or deceiving like the figures on social media when you are staring right at them in real life, in real time.

Yes I have often struggled with comparing myself to other girls in terms of my personality, what I have going for me, and ultimately my life as a whole, but what I found I fell into most often was comparing my appearance. What was most prodigious in this realm, was that I had this profuse desire to fit into this "feminine mold" that I have always felt excluded from. I see this as a very common struggle with girls my age in one form or another, and I know that males struggle the same way but with fitting into that of a "masculine mold." I have so much to say on what that means exactly and I will touch on it more in the future, but overall I have always just felt an unbearable eagerness to feel desirable to other people. And when my features did not match those who I considered "desirable," especially to males, I felt a strong sense of worthlessness. This is why I feel the need to always emphasize that self worth centered around your appearance will almost always leave you feeling empty.

Now, the question is, how does one combat this compelling urge to constantly compare that has become an epidemic in society and a root cause of most unhappiness especially in young girls? I wish I could say I have gotten it completely figured out, that there is a distinct solution, but I would be lying. However, there are some reminders that help me grasp a better perspective on my frets. What many of us tend to forget and overlook is the fact that BEAUTY IS SO SUBJECTIVE. What one person finds beautiful is not what someone else finds beautiful is not always what someone else finds beautiful etc. Sure there are beauty standards, yes, but those are even constantly changing. I am sure if you are a girl reading this, there has been a time where you were hanging out with the girls and you were fangirling over a crush and someone else has responded with "ew are you joking?" That is because there is no single correct perception of beauty or attractiveness.

In case it is still hard to visualize the point I am trying to demonstrate, think about it this way. All of us can agree that a sunset is beautiful. The ocean is also beautiful. Butterflies are also beautiful, and so are flowers, and rainbows, and snow. But sunsets look nothing like butterflies. The ocean does not resemble a rainbow in any way, and the snow shares no physical aspects of a flower. These things are all pretty, yet they look nothing alike. The beauty of one of these sights does not take away from that of the other in any way - and this is so true in humans as well. I am sure you have admired the beauty of people in your life that look nothing alike. So why spend time fixating on how what makes us different takes away from our value when it honestly adds so much to it.