Identity and Purpose

Today, I wanted to talk about something that I probably think about at least twice a day, and that is identity. Identity is the characteristics determining who a person is; it encompasses who we are, and is what makes you you. I think there is a sort of spectrum when it comes to identity, and what I have observed is that whether you have a strong sense of your identity or a weak one, it can be equally confusing.

Many cumulative facets of yourself develop your identity, whether that is your passions, personality, values, or strengths. Having a strong sense of these aspects contributes to having a strong sense of purpose and overall confidence. Where I think identity becomes harmful is when we place our entire identity in one specific area. This does not leave room for failure in that area. Maybe your whole life, you were told you were smart, and being noticeably intelligent becomes your entire identity and who you are completely. When you, and you inevitably will, fail somehow, maybe on a sort of assessment, you not only failed that test, but you failed your identity. Maybe you were told you were pretty your whole life, and someone takes a bad picture of you, or maybe you were told you were exceptional at a sport your whole life, and you slip up once, you feel that you have not only made a mistake, but you have lost yourself completely. Maybe you have even placed your entire identity on a person, like a parent’s view of who you should be, or a sibling’s reputation, and your identity no longer genuinely serves you but the people around you.

Maybe you are more like me, and you feel you have a weak sense of identity. Maybe you are incredibly indecisive and struggle with the first week of school icebreakers when you have to talk about yourself and pick your “favorites” of things. You are not particularly good in a certain subject at school, and you do not excel in a certain sport. You feel indifferent on many controversial topics. You are not confident in your opinions and taste because you feel they lack originality. You have found that getting to know yourself can be deeply challenging in society today, because with the rapid exchange of information on the internet and constantly being fed the opinions of others, it seems like we know everyone else in the world and are easily influenced by them. This really takes a toll on my confidence because I constantly question my individuality and whether I have any distinguishable characteristics that make me me.

What makes me interesting? What is my “thing”?

The truth is, we as humans are way too complex to define ourselves with one dominating characteristic. You can choose how you present yourself to the world, but you can not control how the world perceives you. Your identity is constantly evolving, and so is your purpose in this world.

The other night, I had a pretty eye-opening conversation with my sister Kylie. I was talking with her openly about my role in other people’s lives, specifically as a daughter. She shared with me an interesting take on this. We always wonder how to be a good student, a good friend, a good daughter. Sometimes, simply being that is enough. Just being a student, a friend, a daughter, a teammate, or a parent is what we are supposed to be. I also brought up my role in society in general, and the word “good” came up again. I am not “good” at anything in particular, so how do I even contribute to society at all? What I got out of this conversation is that our role in society is to maintain good intentions and live our lives for ourselves, not to impress others. Being “good” at your role in life is to try your best, accept your failures in terms of yourself, others, or your endeavors, and learn from your mistakes. And, in my opinion, ambition is far more impressive than talent.

I am working toward letting go of this outdated idea that one thing has to define who we are entirely. No matter what age you are, where you are in life, you might not ever completely understand your identity. You might never be sure exactly who you are or what your purpose is, and that is okay. You must let yourself just be at peace in this uncertainty, and be comfortable in the everlasting journey of shaping who you are as you experience your experiences and live your life.

El.