To My Readers

It has been just about a year since I “started” Bellasky. I’ve had ideas that I wanted to communicate for a while now, but a year ago I formally (informally) established a platform for me to do so. It has also taken me about a year now to recognize that this was a hard thing. I have done noticeably hard things, have performed observably difficult tasks in my life, but this one was unforeseeably comparable.

Putting a pen to paper, or fingers on a computer in this case, is bearing witness to the thoughts in your head. Presenting this to the public, however, is surrendering the safety of your thoughts to beyond the confines of your own mind, or private journal in this case. Succumbing to vulnerability in this way equates to some of my deepest fears. Putting this out as a work of art, with all of its flaws and inconsistencies I’ve learned to ignore, is inviting it to be perceived and judged by others. As someone who refused to speak for an entire school year during elementary school, this was a relatively radical idea.

After all, what could a 16 year old girl possibly have to say about anything?

I am so fortunate to have found a community that receives my voice with such acceptance. There have been too many times that I have wanted to stop out of uncertainty or embarrassment and one person has caught me at the perfect time, thanking me for articulating their feelings, and have convinced me to keep going. It takes one person to convey my blog’s impact to relieve any notion of judgement I receive from any number of people.

When I was younger I was convinced I had a mild form of synesthesia. Every number and shape was assigned a color and music had taste. So when developing the logo for Bellasky I wanted it to materialize all of the warmth and vibrance that I imagined the aura of my audience gifted me. Thanks to Kristen Striano this was made possible and the fundraiser Skyler and I had discussed over dinner one summer afternoon came to life along side it. Seeing the eagerness of my family to support me was one experience, but walking through the hallways of school and seeing people representing a cause so important to me, that was truly a surreal feeling that I get to continue to relive every day.

I have been so privileged to be able to make the amount of money we did through these sweatshirts in support of our objective and have the means to do so. The amount of profit was unexpectedly large (granted, I would have been overjoyed if we had made $1.00 to donate), and it is indicative of the ceaseless love in this community that I have found. The amount of gratitude I have for each and every one of you, truly, is immeasurable. Whether you bought a sweatshirt for your own wardrobe, solely in support of me, solely in support of NAMI, even just clicked on this page, or a little bit of everything, I need you all to know how much of a change that you directly or inadvertently contributed to.

Mental health is personal to every person whether it is something you consistently work with or not. I know all of you have a little piece of you that desires to help others. You hope to make a difference, save the world. Well I want to remind you that “it is okay if you only save one person, and it is okay if that person is you.”

Although, you have all really saved me in a way.

Love,

El.